To be or not to be...

With fast changing times the suicide rate among teenagers is on the rise. Is it not time to take measures against it? By Osama Manzar
Loneliness, despair, frustration, mental conflicts, anxiety, trauma, an inferiority complex, a sense of. Defeat, tension, stress, fear, depression, vengeance... All trigger the death wish - suicide. It is a phenomenon which, unfortunately, happens in the society, which is literate, educated, economically sound and aware. Again, though suicide is an adult behaviour, of late the unhealthiest and alarming development is the rising suicide rate of children and the decreasing average age of the people who commit and try suicide.
According to the latest data available with National Crime Record Bureau, approximately 13 per cent of all the suicides committed have been attributed to children, below 18 years, and the number of girls is more than that of the boys. Living in the pressure-cooker atmosphere of modern life, sometimes suicide, ironically, is the only safety valve.
What is even more alarming is that the trend is catching up with the pre-teens. Like little Sanju, the eight-year-old, who wanted to accompany his parents on a shopping spree. When they left him at home and went out, the last thing they expected was to see him hanging from the tree in the yard - the sight that greeted them on their return.
More recently, in August, a minor altercation with his father led a class IV boy, Ashudeb Mullick, of only nine years, to hang himself from the ceiling of his house in Jarashanko in Calcutta. As a matter of fact, for the flimsiest of reasons, children are attempting suicide these days - a boy took poison because he was denied a watch. A teenager jumped out of her house on the fifth floor, because her mother scolded her for spending too much time on fashion and make-up. Undoubtedly, parenting, once considered a natural accomplishment, is now an acquired skill. Times are changing fast, where; social change is a need, as the old authoritarian methods are ineffective.
Democracy should be a part of effective parenting. The society today is undergoing a rapid social change. Therefore, traditional ways of disciplining children through reward and punishment need to be reconsidered.
However, academic pressures, like the stress of examination and the inordinate expectations of parents who have high aspirations for their children, regardless of whether the offspring are capable of achieving them or not, also make children vulnerable, says a senior psychiatrist, Dr S Saxena, of the All India Institute of Medical Sciences.
More than low marks, what drives students to suicide is the feeling that they have failed in the eyes of their parents and society. That is, the child’s sense of self-worth is linked to his academic performance right from school. Far from a carefree childhood, today’s teenagers are forever striving to live up to the unreal expectations of their parents and are directly or indirectly made to feel guilty for not being able to do so. It is a distressed generation which has no one to turn to for guidance or solace. Says a volunteer, “Today’s children are being robbed of their childhood. Parents don’t know what the children undergo to live up to their expectations”
Another feeling is, that the impersonalized form of education and the heavy load of curriculum are something which drive many children to the verge of suicide if not attended to at the right time. As it could have happened to Sheila, aged 16 years, if a voluntary organization had not come to her rescue. This happened. Last December when she was supposed to appear for her XII standard examination and she could not concentrate on her studies. Amidst her depression, she started behaving abnormally. Her mother, who was more anxious about her results than her mental health, contacted a counseling centre. Says Sheila now, “In fact in the pre-final examination, a classmate, who used to be ranked fourth or fifth suddenly had the first position and I, for the first time In my life, was ranked second. Thereafter I became too apprehensive.”
Such a competitive attitude drummed Into a child’s mind stays with him even when he joins a professional course. This is one reason why so many engineering and medical students attempt suicide. According to a report, in lIT Bombay, 30 to 35 students, mostly from the first year, seek counsellor help for the problems related to academic stress. Reveals Dr Saxena, “The kinds of people we see at AIIMS are mainly from the middle class who again assign a lot of importance to success in examinations. We see many children between the age of 14 and 16, when they are in class 10th and 11th, which were doing consistently well earlier, but at this stage, because of competition, they can not match their expectations.” Therefore, asserts the doctor, “The value attached to the success in studies should be decreased.”
One of the reasons attributed for the high rate of teenage suicide is that Indian society is changing rapidly. The shift to nuclear families, working couples, consumerism, influx of global culture, all mean that parents are themselves under stress and have lesser time for their children. Worse still, good parenting is being confused with providing more material comforts. Not only do today’s adolescents spend less time with their parents, they have fewer friends, with the, pressure of studies and the mesmerizing effect of television. This has resulted in the I-me-myself child getting whatever he demands. Such a child, say counselors, gets frustrated very easily.
Fourteen-year-old Rahul is one such child. Left alone in the lavishly decorated house, Rahul’s parent stays in the US. Gradually, Rahui got fed up with all the luxuries, TV and video. Depressed and lonely Rahul says, “I don’t want live anymore. I want to die as the world does not care.” In the meantime, Rahul got the address of Sumaitri, a Delhi-based centre for ‘lonely, depressed and suicidal’ people. Krishan Kalsi, the director of Sumaitri observes, “In the last 15 years, the lifestyle in Delhi has totally changed. Days go in ‘jobs’, evenings in socializing and night in TV, videos etc. Nonetheless, expectations are high.”
“Oh, yes,” agrees Kalsi, ‘the suicide rate among children is increasing alarmingly. Specially, in the last five years, the number of ‘callers’ In the age group of 14 to 18 years have risen rapidly.” in addition, living In a metropolitan city Increases the incidence of loneliness, isolation, competitiveness, work pressure and Interpersonal maladjustment. Many individuals, when unable to cope with their life situations, turn to destructive solutions like drinking alcohol or taking drugs.
In addition, the generation gap is, another reason which Is reflected in changing times. Parents expect their sons to obey them blindly as they used to do in their time and this has been found to be the cause of many suicide attempts too. Whereas, parents, doctors and counselors single out television as the single most ‘corrupting’ influence on teenagers.
Sumaitri, the crisis management centre, feels, that a lack of understanding of sexual problems leads to severe crisis In the lives of teenagers. Many develop tremendous guilt feelings about pre-marital sex, masturbation and even kissing. A number of teenagers face a split situation, with a liberal atmosphere at school, but a conservative .one at home they start feeling guilty about natural Instincts like sexuality. While their parents keep discouraging them from even casual contact with the opposite sex, often they don’t have siblings to share their feelings with. “Thanks to the breakdown of the joint family system and the emergence of nuclear families,” adds Kalsi.
Every year, 63,000 people in the Capital and 5,00,000 in India try to kill themselves. According to an estimate, based on research done, on attempted suicides, 48.72 per cent of suicides are due to despair alone. A’ large number of them take their life because their loved ones have dismissed their suicidal tendencies. But Summaitri hopes to change all that, “because we believe in patiently listening to the ‘callers’.” Adds Dr Saxena, “Teenage suicides, where the whole life awaits the victim, baffle the-most, because in this particular age of adolescence no rationale is found behind the act of suicide. Moreover, the young suicides are less preventable than the middle-aged suicide, because the warnings given are few before the act of self-killing”.
As the director of Sumaltri puts it, a person in a crisis situation doesn’t need advice or criticism. He need’s someone who can help him to talk out his problems by sharing his loneliness. Sumaitri, alone, interacts with nearly 60 ‘callers’ each week. Though, 65 per cent of the cases fall in the age group of 25 to 34, teenagers and pre-teens cases are on the rapid rise. And majority of the cases relate to inter- personal relationship problems. “We don’t ask the ‘caller’ not to commit suicide, as defying the person’s’ wishes can be counter productive. We just help him come to terms with the crisis and make him confident enough to take his own decision,” Kalsi says.
Though the highest incidence of suicide (44.2 per cent) occurred in the age group of 18 to 30 years, the experts have sounded a caution about a sizeable section of those below the age of 18 being driven to suicide. “During the Mandal agitation, we used to receive several calls in a day and a number of them were a result of ignorance and employment oriented frustration, he says.
Children and teenagers come into the third category so far as the number of ‘callers’ to. Sumaitri is concerned. And the average age of the ‘callers’ have substantially been decreased to 30 from 40. “It will be no wonder if the average age group comes down to 20,” the director states. Adds Dr Saxena, “Previously the, age group having the largest number of suicide cases was the 20 to 30 year olds, but now it is mostly the 15 to 25 year olds who take their life.
According to the National Crime Record Bureau, in the below-18 category, West Bengal has the highest number of suicide cases with 1750 deaths out of a total of 8,045, in 1991. Whereas, in 1988, when the rate was highest in 10 years since 1978, 3811 suicides out of 64,270 were recorded.
Totally, over 70,000 people kill themselves in India every year. That is, two persons, every 15 minutes feel so trapped and lonely, angry and unimportant that to end the pain, they take their own lives. Thus the rate of suicide in India is fast approaching as high as 10-12 persons per 100,000 people per year, which is the global average too.
However, the number of unsuccessful suicides in India is 1,50,000 a year, based on the simple arithmetic of attempted suicides. Throughout the world, says a WHO report, at least 1,000 take their own lives each day, and 125 of them are Indians.
Group suicide is yet another phenomenon where children become victims. Twenty seven year old Shashi was found dead with her two children, Lata, 6, and Mukul, 4 in their Virendra Nagar house. It was suspected that the deceased had consumed some poisonous substance. Recently in Maharashtra, a whole family committed suicide by throwing themselves before a passenger train which included the father (45), the mother (35), a 13-year-old son and two daughters aged 9 and 11 years.
Most people who commit suicide are confused about whether or not they want to die. Suicide is often a cry for help, one that ends in tragedy.